Moving Forward....Without Closure

We all desire to have closure in every situation. Imagine the feeling you get when watching a suspenseful movie and it ends without finding out who did it and why. It is in our nature to want to have things come full circle and gain explanations for things we do not understand. We can find it very difficult to move forward when we do not get the closure that we need.

Alot of times this can be seen in relationships. Maybe your friendships suddenly end or an unexpected break-up with your significant other occurs.You have an argument but the person is not willing to make amends. Maybe you are awaiting a call after a job interview. You try to reach out through phone or text to get understanding but only to be ignored or get no response. You may have the desire for closure but the other person will not respond.

Now the downward spiral begins. We start wondering, pondering, ruminating in our thoughts about why we are not getting a response. We begin to create narratives around why people are not responding in the manner in which we would expect. Only to create more confusion, frustration and hurt feelings.

There will be many times when the door will close and you will not have that opportunity to receive explanation or have questions answered by the other party. Therefore it is important to find ways to find closure within yourself without looking for someone else to give it to you. We will often have situations that occur in our life that do not meet our expectations and we have a choice as to how we will react to them.

If you are having difficulty moving forward from a situation due to a lack of closure, here are a few tips that might be helpful:

1. Write a Letter- An Impromptu letter (that you will not send) that expresses all your thoughts and feelings can be helpful. Make sure that the letter includes all the things you forgive the person for, any necessary apologies, things you wish you could have said or want to say. Include any prayers, well wishes and make sure you close the letter by saying Goodbye. Read the letter out loud to yourself or a trusted friend and then rip the letter up. This will prevent you from reading the letter over and over again.

2.Take Back Control- A person or situation has control over you when it is able to occupy space in our brain. We give our power away when we say "I am unable to move forward in this situation unless you give me closure". We have to take ownership of our feelings and not expect others to take care of them. You can take this power back by letting go of what others think of you, practice self-validation, knowing that you are loved, valued and worthy regardless if that person is in your life. Most importantly, not letting other peoples feelings about you dictate how you feel about yourself.

3. Remove all Judgements- Various emotions can come up for us when we are hurt or rejected. We may say; what did I do wrong, why aren't they reaching back, will I find someone else that makes me feel this way, etc. Feel what we feel and do not judge ourselves for it. It is ok to acknowledge your hurt or disappointment. Allow yourself the opportunity to go through the emotions and grieve. Ignoring or resisting your authentic emotions can prolong or delay the healing process.

4. Share with close friends- I do not believe that we were meant to live this life alone. Having good friends that can share in your happiness as well as your sorrow is a blessing. Find support in your friendships to help you through the healing process.

5. Get Moving- Find some fun activities that will keep you busy and encourage fun and laughter. Plan a mini getaway, a night out with friends or better yet find a place to volunteer your time. Taking the attention off of ourselves and staying busy through serving others is a great tool for the healing process.

6. Choose Healthy Vs Unhealthy Coping- There is nothing worse than sitting around ruminating over what could of happen or what it should have been, eating, drinking or smoking our sorrows away. This type of coping can only lead to further sadness and possibly depression. Do the things that will stimulate the dopamine in our brains: exercise, eat well, rest, laugh therapy, or spend time with close friends or family.

7. Pray/Send Positive Thoughts- When we choose resentment, we are choosing pain.

Unforgiveness does more damage to us than to the other person/s. Saying a prayer about the situation or for those involved can be helpful. Personally I pray about the person or situation and ask God for a resolution one day when the time is right. I pray for blessings and that nothing but good will come to them. Thinking positively about a person can change your energy toward the situation making it easier for you to let go.

Finding closure can be difficult however these tips can help you find internal healing and move you forward in amazing ways.