Recognizing The Narcissist

The idea that Narcissist are easily recognizable is just not true. Regardless of your knowledge, status or even educational background, you too can be shocked to learn that you have been the victim of a Narcissist. The Narcissist are difficult to recognize at times because they are master manipulators and are able to hide behind the false reputation and identity they create. As the term Narcissist is being thrown around in recent years, more and more people are wondering if they are dealing with one, or is that person selfish, thoughtless, or just controlling. Narcissist have specific character traits and a relationship with one can be difficult to manage. This is why it is important to know if you have one in your life and how to deal with them in a way that keeps you emotionally and physically safe.

There are various types of Narcissist and the severity of their behavior can fluctuate. The grandiose Narcissist thrives on extreme attention and praise. The vulnerable Narcissist present as anxious and require a lot of support and validation from others. Now, the worst of them all is the Malignant Narcissist. This is the person who will cause great damage to your life if you are not careful. This person focuses solely on themselves and desires to be held in high regard by everyone in their life. Their self-absorption is rooted in evil and self glory. They have a poor sense of self and lack empathy for others. Malignant Narcissist are highly manipulative, they don't care who they hurt as long as they get what they want, they will seek to win at any cost and leave behind extensive hurt, frustration and heartache. They do not care about the pain they cause and even may enjoy it and see it as a challenge. They will do whatever it takes to get what they want from a situation.

Not every person who displays Narcissistic character traits are indeed a "Narcissist". However, it is important to know the signs, symptoms and observable traits that are consistent with the disorder. People with the disorder, particularly Malignant Narcissist:

• Care quite a bit about their appearance and can come across as quite charming

• Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it, and will discount any evidence that doesn't support their belief of their own superiority

• Exaggerate their own achievements and talents, even to the point of lying

• Are often preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate

• Are highly manipulative

• Tend to project their bad behavior onto others, meaning they may accuse you of the very behavior they are conducting

• Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior

• Aren't opposed to taking advantage of others to get what they want

• Fail to see or value the needs and feelings of others

• Have no remorse for hurting others and rarely apologize unless it will benefit them in some way

• Insist on having the best of everything and believe that they deserve this

• Aren't able to handle criticism and lash out if they feel slighted in any way

• Have a poor sense of self and weak ability to regulate their feelings and actions

• Secretly feel insecure and have a week sense of self

If the above description of a Narcissist has raised a red flag, than that is good news. Knowing that you are dealing with someone who will hurt you, can help protect you from future pain and regret.

• Set your expectations to "they will be difficult to deal with" and begin to put distance in the relationship.

• Set boundaries around the relationship. This can be difficult because many Narcissist have poor boundaries and will impose on yours.

• Be aware that challenging them may cause them to retaliate by bringing others into the situation or trying to turn the situation on you to make it appear it is your fault. Given this reality find more creative ways to communicate your boundaries and stick to them.

• Do not try to change them and don't expect them to change or you will be disappointed.

• Surround yourself with supportive people as much as possible to absorb some of the negativity you may experience with this person.

Finally, dealing with a Narcissist will never be easy. If at all possible put as much distance between you and that person, however, if the person is a family member or spouse this may be very difficult. If this is the case, gain as much knowledge as you can regarding narcissism, find emotional support through healthy friendships and family and learn assertive communication styles for the future.